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> Toilet Humour, Just a joke or two or three or four
crazylegs
post Aug 15 2018, 10:54 PM
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An old chap, 85 years old, goes to his doctor and asks for a sperm count.
“You’re 85 years old, Mr Smith, why on earth do you need a sperm count?” asks the doctor, somewhat bemused.

“I know my darn rights, doctor, and I want a darn sperm count doing, alright???” Mr Smith wasn’t happy.
The doctor takes a sample bottle from his draw, and hands it to Mr Smith.

“Do what you need to in this bottle, once you have a sample, bring it back to see me” says the smiling doctor, trying not to laugh.


Two days pass, and Mr Smith creaks into the doctor’s surgery, and slumps down in the seat opposite the doctor.
Mr Smith slams an empty sample bottle down hard on the desk.

“Where’s the sample” asks the doctor.
Mr Smith starts, getting more and more flustered.
“It’s no darn good doctor. I’ve been trying for two days, and I just can’t do it.

I’ve tried my left hand
I’ve tried my right hand
I’ve banged it on a table, I even got my wife involved, and she’s got arthritis
She wasn’t happy
She tried her left hand
Then her right
Then she got me to hold it while she tried
Finally she had a brain wave!
She tried doing it with her mouth, STILL NO GOOD
So she took her teeth out. And had another go.


Despite everything we tried....





WE COULDN’T GET THE TOP OFF THE darn BOTTLE!” laugh.gif


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vsberlina
post Aug 16 2018, 01:52 AM
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*This thread is now closed*


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JFG
post Aug 16 2018, 07:35 AM
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QUOTE (crazylegs @ Aug 15 2018, 11:54 PM) *
Toilet Humour

flush.gif


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tigerjames
post Aug 16 2018, 07:52 AM
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QUOTE (crazylegs @ Aug 15 2018, 11:54 PM) *
WE COULDN’T GET THE TOP OFF THE darn BOTTLE!” laugh.gif


laugh.gif

flush.gif


A turd goes into a pub and orders a pint of beer , but the bar man refused to serve him unsure.gif




Anyone know why????? biggrin.gif


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krs
post Aug 16 2018, 10:20 AM
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QUOTE (tigerjames @ Aug 16 2018, 08:52 AM) *
laugh.gif

flush.gif


A turd goes into a pub and orders a pint of beer , but the bar man refused to serve him unsure.gif




Anyone know why????? biggrin.gif

Did they have your photo on their "Do Not Serve" list behind the bar?


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BRFC
post Aug 16 2018, 10:34 AM
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QUOTE (krs @ Aug 16 2018, 12:20 PM) *
Did they have your photo on their "Do Not Serve" list behind the bar?

biggrin.gif biggrin.gif biggrin.gif
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tigerjames
post Aug 16 2018, 01:51 PM
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QUOTE (krs @ Aug 16 2018, 11:20 AM) *
Did they have your photo on their "Do Not Serve" list behind the bar?


laugh.gif laugh.gif laugh.gif
Probably


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PTC
post Aug 16 2018, 02:00 PM
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QUOTE (tigerjames @ Aug 16 2018, 03:52 AM) *
A turd goes into a pub and orders a pint of beer , but the bar man refused to serve him unsure.gif

Anyone know why????? biggrin.gif

Because the turd was steaming?


Although krs' answer is also correct. biggrin.gif
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tigerjames
post Aug 16 2018, 02:29 PM
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QUOTE (PTC @ Aug 16 2018, 03:00 PM) *
Because the turd was steaming?


thumbsup.gif


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vsberlina
post Aug 16 2018, 03:32 PM
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MODS, please close this thread. It's getting even worse.


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tigerjames
post Aug 16 2018, 04:32 PM
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QUOTE (vsberlina @ Aug 16 2018, 04:32 PM) *
MODS, please close this thread. It's getting even worse.


What you call a scared Turd?? rolleyes.gif


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vsberlina
post Aug 16 2018, 04:41 PM
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QUOTE (tigerjames @ Aug 17 2018, 02:32 AM) *
What you call a scared Turd?? rolleyes.gif

TJ. laugh.gif


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WALOR
post Aug 16 2018, 05:10 PM
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An old Jewish man walks into a Catholic church, and goes for a confession.

"I am 80 years old, a widower after 50 years of a blissful marriage."

"I was walking home from the library the other day and two college girls stopped their car. They said they were on spring break and needed directions.

"We got to talking, and they offered to drive me home."

"In the car, one of them asked me the last time I'd had sex and I told them it had been years."

"She asked if I would like to have some fun, and before I knew it the three of us were in my apartment."

"I had the most magnificent sex for the past two nights, and they're still there waiting for me. They promised they'd show me things I never even knew a man and woman could do. And that's why I've come to confession."

And the priest asks, "When was the last time you went to confession?"

And the old man says, "Actually, this is the first time."

"You're 80 years old and this is your first confession? Why now?"

"Because I'm Jewish."

"In that case, why are you telling me?"

"I'm telling everybody!!!."


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PTC
post Aug 16 2018, 05:14 PM
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QUOTE (tigerjames @ Aug 16 2018, 12:32 PM) *
What you call a scared Turd?? rolleyes.gif

Coprophobic.
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tigerjames
post Aug 16 2018, 06:02 PM
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QUOTE (vsberlina @ Aug 16 2018, 05:41 PM) *
TJ. laugh.gif

rolleyes.gif laugh.gif

QUOTE (WALOR @ Aug 16 2018, 06:10 PM) *
"In that case, why are you telling me?"

"I'm telling everybody!!!."

rolleyes.gif

QUOTE (PTC @ Aug 16 2018, 06:14 PM) *
Coprophobic.


Don't know what that means and I don't give a crap


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PTC
post Aug 16 2018, 06:13 PM
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There have been some really bad threads in the history of S11.

This is up there with the worst of them.

Well done, TJ.
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PTC
post Aug 16 2018, 06:14 PM
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Yes, I'm blaming TJ, not crazy. biggrin.gif
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tigerjames
post Aug 16 2018, 06:28 PM
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QUOTE (PTC @ Aug 16 2018, 07:13 PM) *
There have been some really bad threads in the history of S11.

Look in your wardrobe and you will see you have been wearing them all these years...
let your wife dress you mother

This post has been edited by tigerjames: Aug 16 2018, 06:29 PM


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PTC
post Aug 16 2018, 06:50 PM
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QUOTE (tigerjames @ Aug 16 2018, 02:28 PM) *
let your wife dress you mother

She already does. Is there a punchline?
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RAPID
post Aug 16 2018, 07:57 PM
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QUOTE (PTC @ Aug 16 2018, 09:13 PM) *
There have been some really bad threads in the history of S11.

rolleyes.gif


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